I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
