Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
