it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
