i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
birth control should be required to get into college
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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