you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
