i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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