: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
