I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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