hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
