if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
