cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish you could order shots online.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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