So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
