what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He felt like a one man threesome
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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