im having a threesome with these popsicles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
