then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
