I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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