well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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