Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
