I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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