Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
