Say something about gay babies.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
