omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
