I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
