just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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