She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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