An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
there is glitter all over my balls
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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