Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
