Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
