so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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