I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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