woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
