we have pet lesbian snakes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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