Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
