I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
