I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
