Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
