the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
