i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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