you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
