so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
