first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
