If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
People in love make me want to vomit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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