he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
