i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
