I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
