sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
