So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
