im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
