your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He did a backflip because drugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
