Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
