____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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