nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
