don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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