Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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