you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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