You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
