Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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