Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon