They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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