Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
