i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
