we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
