You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
