I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
