your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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