the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
