her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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